I Don't Want to be a Doctor Anymore?

那天，无意中在Mail-box 看到一则名为“I Don’t Want to be a Doctor Anymore” 的信息。在好奇心的驱使下，直往E-mail题目上click了一下。以下与大家分享的是改名作者所撰写的部落格：

This is the blog entry that I've been thinking about writing for the past few weeks. However, I hesitated composing and publishing my thoughts for the world to read. I was afraid that people would think less of me, and that my friends and family would be very disappointed. But when I first started writing about my medical school experiences online, I promised that I would publish the good, along with the bad. So, I think sharing my honest experiences is ultimately the best way to get things off my chest, and perhaps help other people along the way.

I've shared this with very few people, but before entering medical school, I had intentions of pursuing a Ph.D in clinical psychology. I've been involved in the world of psychology for quite sometime, and at the time, it seemed like a very good fit for me. So, I took the GRE (Graduate Record Examination), and applied to around seven different clinical psychology Ph.D programs. I thought that I had a fairly decent chance of getting into at least one, as I had extensive research and clinical experience in psychology, good GRE scores, and all kinds of volunteer and extra-curricular work on my resume. However, much to my disappointment, I didn't get a single offer from any of the programs. This was a huge blow to my self-esteem, and I didn't take the experience lightly.

Eventually, I came to believe that being turned down by the psychology programs was some type of sign. Perhaps I was simply not meant to pursue this path in life. But if not this path, then what was I meant to do? During college, I had also seriously entertained the idea of going to medical school. In fact, I had taken all the required pre-med courses, as well as the MCAT (Medical College Admissions Test). After a thorough evaluation of all my options, I decided that the med school path was in fact what I was meant to do.

Now, I'm in my third year of med school. I've done pretty well thus far, and I even have an inkling of what type of speciality I would like to pursue. My educational debt is growing alarmingly close to $200,000. My friends and family are all excited to begin calling me Dr. Campbell, and my graduation date is set for fifteen months down the road. But right now, I don't really want to become a doctor of medicine.

Many of you reading this right now may be wondering why the heck I'm all of a sudden doubting my commitment to medicine. I wish I could give you a concrete answer. But the truth is, I really don't know why. It might be due to the recent lack of patient encounters. It might have something to do with the fact that I've been going through a lot of life stressors recently. Or maybe it's because I've just not really felt challenged lately. I really can't pinpoint an actual cause.

Yesterday, I started searching online for psychology Ph.D programs. I did some research to figure out how I would handle my monumental amount of debt, should I decide to drop out of med school. I'm seriously considering my other options in life.

Is it possible that all this is just some phase that I'm going through? Yes, definitely. In fact, I'm wondering just how common these types of thoughts are. Is this just something that most students go through? When I look around at other med students, they all seem so confident to me. I never hear them talking about doubting their decision to go to med school. Everyone just seems to be so satisfied with their decision. But I wonder how much of this is just a facade. Is it typical to have these thoughts at some point in your medical education, or am I all alone on this one?

Posted By: Kendra Campbell

源自：http://boards.medscape.com/forums/.29efa5eb?@419.vfUJa87VcnN@!comment=1


部落格的内容一针见血，作者并没有加以修饰，她实实在在地道出部分MS (medical student) 的心声。偶尔与几位朋友闲聊，当中不时会有人提到：“为何当初会选择这一行? 简直就是自讨苦吃！”大家除了一笑而置之以外，也不能做什么了，还是那老套的一句：“择你所爱，爱你所择”！提及为何会选择这一行，有人说那是从小的梦想；不少人是因为优越的成绩而顺水推舟地从此踏上这条学医的不归路，哈！当中也有一小部分的人是为了名利或金钱，抑或是背负着父母的期望而选择了它，就像某名lecturer所说的，那你就大错特错了！惟有祝君好运了！

在大多数人的眼里，能够挤入医学系是多么风光的一件事；然而，MS背后所承受的压力与一切辛酸史，看来也只有行内人才可以体会，在此也无需多提了。或许，若有一天，你想对你身旁学医的朋友说：Dr，你真是厉害，了不起或类似的话前请三思！！！当然，EQ有一定份量的人还是会以那套一笑而置之来应招，待回家后再独自把那苦水往肚里吞！其实，实况并没有想象的那么般差，试问哪一行的职业是没有压力的？！就连街边的清道夫也有他们的生活压力，不是吗?！

也许就像笔者所提及的，大部分的MS在学医路上都曾经存有类似想放弃的念头，但扪心自问，不念医学系，又能念些什么呢？若是放弃，那之前所付出的一切岂不是功亏一篑？！那真是进退两难啊！此刻，那道问题又浮现在我脑海里：为什么你会选择医学系？看似简单的问题，但若是你已找到自己的答案，而且还是出自你心底的，那你肯定能走完这条艰难的学医之路。朋友们，大家共勉之吧！